A reader writes:
I work in a small office. We have a support staff of a dozen or so — mostly analysts, whose work I oversee, plus our receptionist and admin assistant, Sarah. Sarah is new to our office and to the workforce, and she’s doing a great job so far. She and I are the only women in the office, but I’m a decade her senior. She can be a bit shy and tentative, especially around our CEO, Will. This hasn’t affected her performance that I’m aware of.
Will is a kind person and never speaks harshly or aggressively, but he is also very formal, much older, and projects an air of gruffness and authority. When giving direction to Sarah, I’ve found myself acting as a kind of a buffer against my perception that he intimidates her. For example, today I was not on-site, and I needed her to ask everyone in the office if they had a hard copy of something lying around to deliver to the marzipan division. I said, “Make sure to check with Will on that, too. If you don’t feel comfortable, you can tell him I said to ask him.”
I’ve done the “it’s okay to tell him I made you ask/do the thing” thing a bunch, now that I’m aware of it. Was I out of line? I thought I was being helpful, but now I’m thinking it could come off as patronizing. I suppose I’m projecting a lot of unfair gender and age stuff onto both Will and Sarah.
This question is answered over at Inc., where the archives are revisited and answers are sometimes updated and expanded.
