It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager, featuring updates from people who had their letters answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer asking how to say “Sorry, but I really have to pee, again” in a professional way? The issue was that she often needed to step away multiple times during even short meetings. Here’s the update.

Thank you for the delightfully clear answer — I was way overthinking this. Also thank you to all the commenters sharing their views and experiences!

To specify my situation a bit more, the meetings I lead are a significant part of the organization’s core function and a representation of the service we provide. Think project management for collaborations involving freelance designers, in-house marketing, academic research, corporate logistics, public health campaigns, commercial export schemes, nonprofit, and environmental regulation orgs.

For internal meetings, I wouldn’t think twice about having to pop out. But for the bigger ones I was worrying that by frequently stepping out I’d give a bad impression of my time and work management skills, which is not a great look for someone providing large-scale project management. This is also the reason why I wouldn’t want to use excuses like helping my kids or signing for deliveries, which would be perfectly normal and acceptable excuses in other kinds of meetings.

Here’s what I’ve gathered in a nutshell:

Things people want to know if I need to pop out:

  • Can the meeting go on? (yes)
  • Am I distracted, not interested, or overworked? (no)
  • Am I alright? (yes)
  • Is it contagious? (no)

Things that didn’t work (for me):

  • Pads: Since this isn’t an involuntary incontinence problem, my brain would need to override some very deep social programming to deliberately “go” in public while trying to Act Very Normal
  • Going to the bathroom during a virtual meeting with sound and camera off: too risky (also anxiety nightmare fuel!)

Things that work:

  • Training a colleague to step in if needed, and having her lead a few segments of the meetings in any case — great for her skill development and the organization’s overall functionality, and less distracting if it’s business as usual for her to cover some parts regardless of my flare-ups
  • Hopefully: estrogen! (looking promising so far — yay early pre-menopause?)